It all started because of a promise I made to myself. In May 2014, I stood at the top of the limestone cliffs of Bonifacio, Corsica, with the wind beating into me and the waves crashing hundreds of feet below. The sky above was a dark blue, and the gusts of wind so strong they nearly knocked me over. In the distance, one could see the outline of Sardinia, the second largest island in the Mediterranean. I walked along the rugged coastline, my heart burning. I had hit bottom. The life I had known before had come to a crashing end. I had traveled the whole week alone across the island to try to answer two questions: why and what now? I let out a desperate, raw cry of anguish, emanating from a pain that burned deep within me. Walking aimlessly along the dirt path, I carried this massive weight in my chest. I came to Corsica to find answers, to search inside of my heart and soul, and to mourn the end of my previous life. The dream life I had constructed, piece by piece, this pretty poster of a happily married couple with 3 children, had crumbled to pieces.
Often, in life, people may arrive at the edge of a precipice, feeling stuck and uncertain. They may not know how to overcome the obstacles and may be undecided about which path to choose going forward. It is common for such moments to shock us with unexpected suddenness and force. We might stumble along a path that was previously so familiar to us. Be it an illness, a divorce, the loss of a friend or loved one, or the ending of a job or dream, in life drastic changes can turn your life upside down.
Feeling numb, this was my moment. Images of my baby daughter, my two sons, and our lives together spun around my head and I could not imagine not being with them every night. Facing the end of the life I had known until then shook me and I felt as if I would collapse, not knowing where to begin. As the wind slammed into me, shaking me, and I heard the roar from the waves far below, I stepped closer to the edge, looking to the sky for answers.
We all face periods in our lives when we are confronted with an unexpected turn of events, a personal crisis or significant adversity. It may be a health issue, a painful divorce, the loss of a loved one or a job. Or we may simply wake up one morning, look at our life and wonder what happened, as we don’t recognize who we have become, or how we ended up where we are. We question where we need to go next. We can easily get caught in an emotional downward spiral not knowing how to get out.
Despite all the progress made in modern industrialized societies, people are experiencing significant increases in stress, anxiety, depression and a lack of sense of purpose that often lead to low levels of satisfaction with life. Evolution has shaped how our mind and body function. Some of our automatic emotional, mental, and physiological reactions, which originated millions of years ago, are ill-adapted to our experiences in today’s always-on world. And this is leading to many modern-day woes.
On a windy day in Corsica, the building blocks of the life I had built disintegrated before my eyes. The whole mental construct I had created of what my life was about, all the future plans I had laid out so well in my mind, became obsolete overnight—foregone ideas from a past life. Reflecting on how I reached that point, I came to the conclusion that over the years, I had lost my way. I had lost touch with who I was and I needed to take action to get myself out of this situation. As if awakening from a dream, it was these circumstances that made me become aware, as I searched and observed the world around me, how broken our systems are. What I found was that a completely new approach is required if one wants to address some significant trends that point towards a major breakdown in society. Here are just some numbers (for more details, see The Hard Facts):
Connecting To What Matters
One realization hit me like a hammer: with a career path leading me towards my next position in Europe, I became acutely aware that if I wanted to maintain my job, I might need to live thousands of miles away from my children. Grasping this fact virtually knocked me off my feet. I completely lost the sense of having control over my life as well as my sense of being able to protect what I cared for most. It is strange how in such moments all the small day-to-day worries and material wants suddenly vanish. My sense of self-importance, linked in large part to a feeling of having achieved a successful career and built a beautiful family, simply evaporated. I felt very small and very alone. In such moments, you connect with what truly matters in life, and for me, in that moment, it was the sense of being close to those I love the most. Having them there beside me was something I had taken for granted, and I suddenly realized that what I cherished most could suddenly vanish. Nobody had prepared me for this or taught me how to face such a turn of events. My mind teemed with worst-case scenarios, and sleepless nights, despair, and emptiness followed. And this was just the beginning of the ride down into a dark world of doubts and inner pain.
With these new realities, I came to the conclusion that over the years, I had lost my way. I had lost touch with who I was, and I needed to take action to get myself out of this situation. As if awakening from a dream, it was these circumstances that made me become aware, as I searched and observed the world around me, how broken our systems are. I found that a completely new approach is required if one wants to address some significant trends that point towards a major breakdown in society.
As you look into numbers and statistics, it becomes obvious that our current model is based on flawed models, assumptions, and advice. From the information we consume, how we think, the food we eat, our understanding of health, how we interpret events, our modern definition of success, and the goals we are encouraged to pursue. No wonder many of us struggle in our day-to-day lives.
Rebuilding a New Model
The general recommendations provided by mainstream books, magazines or the media mostly support the broken model. I started to piece together the real truths I had been learning and studying for years. Some of the works of the greatest thinkers, their ideas and theories were being completely ignored, so I turned my focus towards uncovering and organizing them into usable tools and recommendations. Starting with my own teachers and decades of observations, I began to see patterns, and how the pieces of the puzzle fit together. Using their written work, research papers, and clinical studies, I compared them to modern therapies with proven track records. I initiated the slow process of researching, compiling, editing, organizing, executing, testing and adjusting.
Uncovering a trove of fascinating findings that had been validated over time (meta-research, peer review, double-blind control trials, etc.), I found guidance for change seekers such as myself. I pieced together, from these broad and diverse sources, a simple framework that offered me insight into making positive choices and ultimately guides me in all aspects of life. The 7 Pillars is a result of this work, a go-to companion to living a fulfilling life. The journey of change starts with awareness, and you will be challenged to ask some difficult questions, face the hard facts, and determine areas in your life that require action. Providing both tools and recommendations to help on your journey, over time, you should be able to make better decisions even when faced with complex situations and decisions that create conditions which lead to a more inspired life by your design.
Wake Up
Each step of the way, you will be challenged to wake up and reclaim your life’s journey. In the accompanying book, I share stories of how it happened to me, as well as the steps and difficulties I went through. Once you have turned off the auto-pilot mode and decided to reclaim your journey, you will notice and be encouraged to interrupt unwanted negative patterns and habits that recur in your life.
By learning and understanding the power of choice, you will see the ability we have every day as we choose our actions and behaviors, and the many opportunities to forge meaning through what I call meaningful micro-moments (MMMs). I will present the results of studies on life satisfaction, which show that albeit all the progress that civilization has made, the overall level of satisfaction from the population of so many developed countries is incredibly low. This indicates a major disconnect between the types of lives we are encouraged to pursue and how in the end we feel.
I encourage you to take your own quick life satisfaction self-assessment to see how you would rate yourself and your own life. In the process, you will re-establish what is important to you in life, what drives and inspires you, and what brings you joy. And in the process, will find a sense of fulfillment.
Many times, a new book or theory will come out promising the key to living an inspired or fulfilling life, and often, they have good or useful advice. Over the years, I realized, however, that there is no one cure-all for overcoming the challenges we are bound to face. Nor is there one method to succeed and feel inspired.
Within us, there are multiple areas of our lives that have an immediate and powerful impact on how we feel and our well-being. By learning to look and filter your life through the lens of the 7 Pillars, by applying the formulas, and taking small steps, you will gain a tremendous understanding of how these form the foundation of your life, and ultimately directly impact your life satisfaction. You may use the framework as a guide to assist you in making choices that lead to more frequent and sustained positive emotions as well as physical and psychological well-being.
The 7 Pillars will help you process the complex world we live in, and understand the possible impact the decisions we take have on our lives.
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